no words....

if you have the great desire to watch a version of alice in wonderland where....

-the white rabbit is this weird animatronic figure who eats either stuffing (stuffed animal stuffing) or mashed potatoes

-the white rabbit is physically and mentally abusive to alice (i.e. throwing rocks at her, chucking plates at her, and whacking her with sticks)

-alice becomes a doll at times (or has the creepiest doll mask on)

-alice eats wood chips that make trees grow and shrink instead of a mushroom that makes her grow and shrink

-there is a tiny box that constantly makes the sound of a crying baby

-the caterpillar is actually a sock with eyes and dentures

-there is the creepiest animation (not cartoon but objects moving around)

-there are incredibly bizarre and freaky animals (including a frog and a weird rat)

-the effing baby box doesn't shut up

-the effing baby box turns into a piglet (WTF?)

-"alice" narrates the entire thing through badly dubbed shots of her lips

-the march hare and mad hatter are bizarre wooden and plush puppets

-there are clocks ALL OVER THE PLACE

-the mad hatter keeps trying to get alice (who is all of like 6) to drink wine

-14 minutes from the end you still haven't gotten a glimpse of the queen

-you're in desperate need of watching alice walk through someone's white laundry hanging to dry

-when the queen does show up, she's a bloody paper doll!!!!!

-every time the queen says "off with their heads" a paper doll/card gets its head cut off with a large pair of scissors

-despite the abuse, alice keeps following the white rabbit around

-the king of hearts may be worst than the queen of hearts

-alice's head turns into all the other character's heads

-i'm not making any of this up

...then please watch "alice" directed by czech director jan svankmajer.

(also enjoy this synopsis from netflix to know i am not makign this up: after her stuffed rabbit opens a portal inside her dresser, alice crosses over into a world of puppets and dead animals in czech director jan svankmajer's bizarre adaptation of lewis carroll's children's book, considered a classic of surreal cinema. svankmajer gives the caterpillar, the mad hatter and the cheshire cat equally warped makeovers via stop-motion animation and stark cinematography.