The IT Crowd
- Roy: Is this another one of your inventions?
- Moss: Might be.
- Roy: What was the last one? ...oh yes. A ladder, to help moths escape from the bath. How is that useful?!
- Moss: How is that not useful?
- Roy: Moths don't get stuck in baths!
- Moss: Yes they do!
- Roy: Even if that were true - it's just not in their nature to learn how to use a ladder! They have wings! When a moth thinks about travelling vertically upwards, a ladder is just the last thing they would think of! Moss, I don't like to be negative about it, but everything you invent is worthless!
- Moss: Ah! Well, prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame, set at gas mark 'egg on your face'! ... I sort of forget what I was talking about.
- V Advert Narrator: [Voicing an Emergency Services advert] Has this ever happened to you? :[The old woman on the advert twists her ankle and falls down stairs, gets up and falls down second flight of stairs before picking up her phone and trying to dial 999] From today, dialing 999 won't get you the Emergency Services, and that's not the only thing that's changing! [upbeat music starts, followed by close-ups and shots of new emergency vehicles and team] Nicer ambulances, faster response times and better looking drivers mean they're not just the Emergency Services, they're your Emergency Services. So, remember the new number! :[upbeat voice singing to jingle] 0118 999! 881 999, 119 725! [short pause] 3! That's [number is repeated in similar style whilst the old woman dials the number and waits]
- Old Woman: Hello? I've had a bit of a tumble.
- Moss: [watching the ad] Well that's easy to remember. [singing in a similar style to the advert] 0118 999 881 999 119 725! [pauses] 3!
- Roy: [listening to Moss] I don't see how they couldn't just keep the other one. I mean, how hard is it to remember 911?
- Moss: You mean 999-
- Roy: Yes, yes, I mean 999! Yeah, I know.
- Moss: That's the American one, you berk!
The InBetweeners
- Will: Can somebody call me an ambulance? Because I'm in trouble. Time is moving really, really slowly, and everything is flat. I need you to call me an ambulance, or failing that, my mummy. I really want my mummy because, and I'm not being dramatic, but I think I might be dead. Is that clear? Mummy or ambulance.
- Neil: What's an itinerary?
- Simon: It's Will's way of taking the fun out of everything.
Peep Show
- Mark: You know Kerry, cancer Kerry, I need to find out, for a friend, the name of that Chinese doctor she was raving about, do you remember?
- Jez: Sure. It was Doctor Ying Fu Yip... Wang Shong... Pang Fang Wang... Dang Dong Ning Po Ku.
- Mark: Oh right. I see. I get it. You were lampooning me. It was a simple lampoon.
- Jez: No Mark. I only told you for a laugh. You promised not to tell.
- Mark: Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Jeremy. Welcome to the real world!
- Super Hans: Where might you find a diphthong?
- Mark: It's an element of speech.
- Super Hans: Where might you find one?
- Mark: In a word?
- Mark: (Note to self Re: being the Fonz - Mark, you are *not* the Fonz.)
- Jeremy: "If you build it, they will come". That's my market research.
- Mark: Your market research is Field of Dreams? I mean, a man who made a baseball pitch in his garden for ghosts? That's your role model?
- Mark: [Whilst jogging] (Hey! Wow, I'm actually good at this. Maybe I'm a natural - yeah, I'm a jogger! Of course, there had to be a sport for me, I just never realised. Legs like two great steam locomotives, pumping away, I'm unstoppable - JESUS, is that a stitch -I'm gonna be sick, I need to walk. Oh, I think I'm gonna puke, I'm literally going to die, ugh, what an idiotic boob I was back ten or eleven seconds ago.)
- Jez: Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for wankers.
- Mark: Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality.
- Mark: You'd be the first to admit that you're not the most rational thinker.
- Jez: No I wouldn't!
- Mark: You still don't understand what happens in Ocean's Eleven.
- Jez: It's a complicated film.
- Mark: It really isn't.
- Mark is making a list of everything that Jez can consume.]
- Mark: Toilet paper, OK. Soap, OK. But not shower gel. And no razors. If you're poor, grow a beard. Tea Bags are allowed within reason.
- Jez:Within Reason?
- Mark:No making a Pie out of tea or anything weird
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