Monday, May 2, 2011

Oh the Horror, Oh the Thrills!

I've always been a fan of horror/thriller movies- I like the thrill of feeling a chill down your spine and have always been on a quset to find something that really scares me. This is why I love Supernatural so much. It's like a mini-horror movie each week. That being said, I've been watching a lot of horror movies lately so let me break down my latest three for you.


you, sir, are a creepster

The Shining, a total classic. It's got all the staples of a good horror movie: a big empty house, isolation, obsession with work, possession, hallucinations, a creepy kid with a deep voice and then murderous rage. I think what makes The Shining so creepy is the music- the screechy high pitched violins and strings. I was watching part of it at Brooke and Kevin's. The computer resting on the bedside table and I was not comfortable rolling over to my other side. There was a window there and I was convinced Jack Nicholson was there. The other reason that The Shining is so creepy is Jack Nicholson himself. He was a creepster- he totally deserved getting whacked by Shelley Duvall.

serves you right...


Last night I watched Midnight Meat Train. Now with a title like this, you expect a certain level of gore and twisted horror but yo, folks, this movie was effed up! At one point, this guy is getting hit so hard with a huge meat cleaver that his eyeball flew out (the sad part about that was that the actor was Ted Raimi, sweet Wesley in "Wishful Thinking"). I have never seen so much blood gushing out of people. It was extreme. Vinnie Jones said three words in the entire movie but he was creepy, Jack Nicholson creepy. What the hell was he slicing off of his chest in that bathroom scene!? If you have any ideas, let me know. I hate how stupid character are in horror movies though. Really, you really think it's a smart idea to go inside the meat cleaver guy's house, Leslie Bibb? You really think your friend with the stupid name (seriously, what the heck kind of name is Jergis?) isn't just a pawn character who you know within two seconds of him being onscreen that he will die? Now you're just being naive.

And Bradley Cooper, maybe if you had done less of this...
you wouldn't have ended up like this....

with no tongue in your mouth.




Finally, today I watched Alphabet Killers. It starred Eliza Dushku of Dollhouse fame, who also executive produced the movie. Unfortunately that's never a good sign. And if the main character is already slightly hallucinating within the first two minutes and is frantically making a crazy wall of info, a la Memento, Ep 1 of Supernatural and the "Mac and Charlie Get a Job" ep of It's Always Sunny, by the 16th minute, then there is a problem. And it's really never good when your boss tells you that you are talking to yourself. And if you start crying in the middle of your investigation, while looking at your wall of crazy info, then it's TIME TO TAKE A VACA! Why do characters in horror movies never get this? I feel that I need to start holding seminars. In the morning we'll discuss why you should never get into showers and the afternoon session will include tips on how to avoid creepy children.


Anyway, Alphabet Killers follows Megan, a detective who is investigating the mysterious murder of this little girl. All the above mentioned happens in literally the first 20 minutes. Then in minute 20, her bf comes home to find her wrist slit and blood all over the crazy wall of info. This often is what happens when you start hallucinating- or an onset of adult schizophrenia as Doctor Dixon from Alias tells the bf. For some reason, this movie felt the need to constantly jump time- within two minutes we had already jumped two months and after the diagnosis of schizophrenia, we jump two years. I'm already having trouble keeping track of everything.

And you know that no matter what, whenever the crazy main character says that she's getting out, something will always suck her back in. Like another murder of a littel girl. Who has the name initial pattern as the first murder that got Megan to go round the bend (each girl has the same letter starting her first and last name and is dumped after death in a town with the same first initial... for example Mary Marsh- West WIng shout-out- would be dumped in Moscow).

And let's be real- this movie sucked. It did not captivate me and Eliza Dushku cannot pull off a policeman's hat. Even while hallucinating and seeing creepy people on the street while her partner is interviewing cooty all men. So if you really want to know what happens in this movie, watch it. As for me, I'm not really paying anymore attention.

Haha, I just read a post on IMDB whose title said "This movie was fantastic". Then the post continued to say: "And my fantastic I mean kill me now." Oh my, so true!

Next on my list is: The Strangers, Saw (never seen it), and Drag Me To Hell. I'm excited. And possibly a little twisted....

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